ABC's- Atlantic City, Byll Monahan, Covenant House

Well, Kristie finally got me involved. I figure this is better than facebook stalking- and its good writing practice. So here goes:

I was supposed to write about the waiting process a month ago, and clearly, due to my procrastination and well naturally awful ADD, I never got around to doing so. But I'd still like to share what it was like for me, waiting to find out whether or not the next year of my life was going to start up in flames.

I knew I wanted to do service for my first year out of college, an idea implanted in my crack-head mind by a few of my friends and their subtle influences. First there was Linda, who showed me an online show called Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. The show focuses on three main characters, one of which is a woman named Penny who is played by actress Felicia Day. She sings a song about working with the homeless and how we are always growing.

"Even in the darkness, every color can be found... any time you're hurt, there's one who has it worse around..."

These lines continued to echo in my head, along with her ending, "So keep your head up, Billy Buddy!"

After this, a good friend of mine suggested I look into service. Steve Eberle and I were never the best of buddies I suppose, in fact there have been times when all I wanted to do to him was slap him across the face for some of the stuff he subjected me to. He introduced me to the idea of a service position with Jesuit Volunteer Corps. which was a complete earth and mind shattering disaster. I wanted to break things because of that man and his recommendation. And because of him, I found Covenant House. So thanks Eberle...

Lastly, one of my besties, my Gigi, suggested I do a year of service and forget about the real world for awhile. It was the last push I needed and I got involved and pursued several organizations.

When I got a message about a phone interview I was so excited. Someone wanted me.

When I went on orientation for Covenant House, I thought, wow this is it. I am going to be living in NYC for a whole year... I was wrong.

I became suffocated over the idea of NYC. All of the huge buildings, the subways, the lack of me time and the strict code of "conduct" I would be following just didn't add up in the Big Apple for me, and I began to feel like a country mouse. I didn't even know that word applied to me, until I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge with my fellow Orientees. I knew I did not belong in the city just yet. I needed to feel nature in a more... well... natural sense. I needed more than concrete. I needed more than just the trees that grew out of the sidewalks, which took me all weekend to notice growing mind you. It's easy to miss them with traffic lights and street lamps everywhere.

I was told I would not know where I'd be going until after I committed to my service time. I was scared. How would I be okay with this? What if I got sent to NYC or worse, Ft. Slaughterdale FL??? What if people hated me, and I lost track of my purpose? What if I go to Detroit and get shot?

More over, what if my family is upset that I wont be home for holidays: did I mention I wont be home for holidays? No Thanksgiving, no Christmas, no Easter. Maybe New Years...
It broke my heart to think I would not see my family. It killed me a bit. I had to accept this.

I remembered the words of my dear friend Shawn. He gave me one last piece of solid advice before he moved to Hawaii, lucky bastard! He said, "You have to move on..."

Tell me about it. That's been the theme of my past year it seems. This reminded me of "Sunday in the Park with George" and Bernadette Peters singing Move On: "Stop worrying where you're going, move on."

And I knew I needed to trust God. I knew I would go where I was needed, even if it was as far away as FL. I embraced this notion, went on vacation, and when I came back, I discovered an email stating I was going to Atlantic City.
My family was overjoyed.
My heart was lightened.
My friends were relieved.

And now I am sitting here thinking about all the tears I cried about my placement. Did they matter? Of course they did. I did something huge.
I put my neck out for an opportunity that might have been so wrong for me. I jumped into a world of service of the heart without wanting anything in return. I gave faith a chance.
I trusted in something bigger than myself, to take care of my fears, to hold me if I was to go out of my comfort zone. I met God where I knew I would find him, in a small church in Ephrata PA, and he told me to just shut up and do His Will. Well... here I go.

So my waiting process was difficult, but here I am. I leave to go to training in NYC starting September 1st. I train for two weeks and then I am off to Atlantic City.

Now to you my readers- get on me about posting if you don't see me doing so. I want to do this- I will need this blog.

Until then- I stick to my basics: my ABC's...