The first days of school- Kristie

On August 25th, the school year began for St. Ann’s Catholic School students in Belcourt, ND. I was nervous, to say the least, to meet my students and to actually teach them something. Teaching was and still is an entirely new concept (if you don’t count my first semester of college as a elementary ed major).

My dear friend Benadryl had me asleep by 9:30 on the 24th. I woke up at 7:00 the next day and got ready. I had already picked out my outfit and was at school by 7:40. I signed in, opened up my classroom, and quickly filled out the name tags of for each of my 3rd grade students. I got my walkie talkie (we don’t have an intercom system or phone system in the school) and headed down to the cafeteria. I stood with another teacher as we saw the students come into the school and find their place at their seats. After praying with two other teachers, I walked over to some of the students I recognized from Meet the Teacher night and sat down with them. I could tell they were nervous since this was their first year as well at St. Ann’s. I chatted with them about their summers and expectations of the year. I walked around the cafeteria some more, introduced myself to some parents, and nervously anticipated the bell. After what seemed like forever, the bell rang and the students lined up for morning prayer.

As I looked around the students, I noticed some things that were different than what I remembered as a student in a nice middle class Catholic school. Every year, I would get a new backpack, shoes, and other school supplies. If you looked at a picture of me from the first day of school, you could tell that I was wearing mostly new things. Standing in the cafeteria of a poor Catholic school in a poor region, it was not the same picture. The kids looked nice but not many had new things. There were the exceptions of course but exceptions they were. For the most part, the picture looked much different than the pictures of my childhood.

After we said our prayers, I led my 5 students to our classroom. I instructed them to hang their coats up where their name tags were and to find their seats. I realized, as I looked at their adorable faces, I didn’t have to be so nervous anymore. My lessons were planned and they were willing to learn.
Once I came upon that realization, the day went by quickly and smoothly. My students, I realized, were not as shy as they first appeared. They love to talk and are pure girly girls. Whenever I’m making up sentences, they suggest the first names of Disney and Nickelodeon stars for the subject’s name. Right now, we are preparing for a puppet show they are going to put on for the kindergarten class. Their puppet’s names are Demi, Selena, Milly, Rosie, and Catherine (I put a block on Disney after the second Disney name, which is why it’s Milly instead of Miley). They look forward to music and art class, but usually dread gym class. They get into trouble for talking but work their hardest to get a sticker at the end of the day (sticker=no name on the board). On Fridays, someone is usually upset they had a sticker free day that week, which means they won’t be able to pick from the prize bucket. I don’t feel at all bad for bribing them with candy and sparkly pencils in exchange for good behavior. Besides it's not bribing if you call it an incentive policy.

By the end of each day, I usually feel tired, have to pee, and prefer not to use my voice. It can be a long day with my students. They test my patience. They don’t always do their homework. They talk out of turn. They give me attitude. They don’t always say thank you.They give each other attitudes. Sometimes, they get into fights. They make me repeat myself all of the time. I hate repeating myself.

Yet, for each time I have to tell them to quiet down or take a deep breath, I can’t help but think of how they act most of the time. They make me laugh. They make each other laugh with silly jokes I don’t always find as funny. They give me hugs. They tell me they’re happy I’m their teacher. They smile when they finally understand a new concept. Above all, they make it easy to see the face of Christ in them. 

I never realized I would love my students so quickly and so deeply.

I have a student. She’s really funny and bright. She’s also extremely poor. She comes to this school on scholarship. She refuses to bring in her sneakers for gym class. When I asked her where were sneakers were last Monday, she looked up at me with a hint of sadness in her eyes and said “I think I forget to bring in my sneakers because I’m really embarrassed of them. They’re all torn up and they pinch my toes. They’re really ugly. People will make fun of me for having them”. As much I encouraged her that people won’t make fun of her for having old sneakers, she wouldn’t bring them in. I had been racking my brain all week with a way to buy her new sneakers without her knowing I got them for her. I wanted to do so in a way as to not offend her mother or make the other kids jealous. On Friday, only an hour before I was going to approach our principal about it, my plan was thrown out the window. Another one of the girls in my class went up to the girl before gym class and told her “I’m going to ask my mom if I can give you a pair of my sneakers. I didn’t get to wear them that much before I got too big for them. They’re really cool too. This way, you can have sneakers and won’t be embarrassed anymore”. The smiles on both of their faces were childlike and pure.

These girls, they are Christ for each other. They are Christ for me.

Confusion and Joy

It has been two weeks and two days since I stepped off of the train and arrived in Rugby, ND. I don’t know what you (readers) want to read about more- what I’ve done or how I’ve felt being here so I guess I’ll tell you about both.

What I’ve done:
Orientation: learned about SOLT (the Society of Our Lady the Trinity), about the community, and about our work here.
Prepared for school: arranged and rearranged my classroom, put up posters galore, and made stars that the kids will decorate on the first day. Written lesson plans, incorporated some version of Bingo into almost all of my classes. Punctuation bingo anyone?
Lived in community: experienced the joys and frustrations of living with people. Joy- learning about people and why they’re here. Frustration: no private space of my own.
Eaten frozen grapes: why? Because they’re delicious and fruit goes bad quickly here so I have to freeze it. If you close your eyes, you might be able to pretend you’re eating ice cream.
Gone to Walmart: 4 times. I used to boycott this evil corporation but now I have no other option. My stipend doesn’t cover a $6 gallon of milk! Things are expensive here, even items like milk, oil, wheat products, and others, even though they make, raise, or grow them in North Dakota. They have to ship these goods out to be manufactured, raising the costs significantly.
Attended a pow wow: when in Rome, do as the Romans do. The dancing, music, and costumes were all interesting. I educated the man selling lemonade about Jersey Shore’s accurate portrayal of Sleazeside in the summer and that Snooki was from NY, not NJ. We got into this conversation after he heard I was from NJ. The 4 of us that went kind of stuck out and people wanted to know where we were from.
Explored the area: I stood on top of “Turtle Mountain” which was really just a large turtle made up of wheels that didn’t have the tires on them anymore. I went to the Turtle Mountain Museum where I envied the gorgeous quilts and artwork made by members of the tribe. I also did a light hike up to the highest point in the area. My camera was broke so I only took pictures using my bad camera phone. Regardless, even the nicest camera wouldn’t have been able to capture the raw beauty of the area at sunset.

How I’ve felt:
These last 2 weeks have been hard. I constantly second guess my decision to volunteer at St. Ann’s. Why? I’m not really sure. It’s not about the people. I love the people. My community members and the greater community have been so welcoming, compassionate, and overall awesome to me. It’s nice to have conversations about God and society with them, even when we disagree (which happens often). It’s not about the program. I’m excited to teach 3rd grade. Maybe excited is a slight embellishment but I am looking forward to the challenge of teaching a range of subjects, all day. I came out here with the impression that I would be teaching religion, not science or math. I was a terrible 3rd grade student! Still, I’ve had a good amount of time to prepare so I feel ready and competent. I do not spend my time in misery.
 

So where is this doubt coming from?
Some people say I must be homesick. Other people say I feel this way because school hasn’t started yet. They say that once school starts, I’ll feel much better. Some even claim it’s the devil trying to deter me from God’s plan.
I’ve thought about this a lot in the last 2 weeks and I don’t know if it’s any of those things. While I miss home, I’m not homesick. I know homesickness and this is not it. Besides, I’ve gone longer without being home before. I don’t think the students will change my mind. While they’ll be adorable, bright, and innocent, I just have a feeling the joy I experience teaching won’t be enough to make me want to stay until May. As for the devil, I don’t think this was God’s plan for me to begin with, rather I think it was what I wanted. I assumed it was what God wanted for me since ND was so far away from home. I talked about it being God’s plan so much that I didn’t actually ask GOD if this is what He wanted.

 
What I have been able to pinpoint some of my doubts on is having had a misconception about the program. To be honest, I didn’t do a lot of research of the program before I came here. I didn’t ask about the rules or overall goals they had for the volunteers. Turns out, there are a lot of rules. I understand why they’re in place but I don’t see the benefit as much as others do. I didn’t even ask about the prayer life. I didn’t know how fully obedient Catholic it was here. I’m not saying this is a bad thing. I’m just saying this is not necessarily my thing. It could be though. I haven’t the slightest clue! (insert religious crisis here).

Now I’m not saying that I’m going to quit anytime soon. I’m going to give this program more time. My daily prayer is that I adjust better in the next coming weeks. If I don’t, I have some ideas about what I would do if I came home. These ideas exist only to calm my nerves and anxieties over the possibility of giving up. I like having a backup plan.

So this is where I am right now. I’m confused, joyful, contemplative, nervous, and tired. I have so many questions and uncertainties concerning my future. In fact, the only thing I know for certain is this:
Right now, as I sit at my desk in my classroom, I am blessed. I am thankful that God brought me to Belcourt, ND, where I can learn to be more disciplined and faithful to the plan God has for my life. My faith in God is strong. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- this is God’s plan for my life, not my plan for my life.  

Tomorrow is a big day- the first day of school. I would appreciate any prayers or positive thoughts throughout the day. Who knows? Everything, all of these things I just said, could change tomorrow.