Detroyt- The Adventures of Byll Monahan- WITHOUT FAIL / A Michigan Left

I was in the car today and Jessie commented on the unique traffic patterns- It's called a Michigan Left, he said, and I observed the small divet in the highway median. It's for turning around to get to the other side of the road, or if you forgot your wallet!

A Michigan Left...
This sounds like a good band name or a poem title- I am calling dibs on the poem title- you can have the band name if you want. I saw this strange concept floating around in my head- an avoidance of a U-Turn at best, but so much more in a metaphorical sense. I realized I had not blogged in what felt like weeks- so now I need to catch you all up on what you missed.
Let's got back, making that U-Turn you see...

I learned a lot about myself- including the fact that I have sharp edges. We discussed the concept of how river stones are so smooth because they have been tossed about for so long and have bumped against one another so many times and have rendered all of those jagged edges into nothingness. The only way to lose your edges is to go into a necessary conflict with other people's edges...

I had some of the best dumplings and bubble tea at a charming little grill in Chinatown. Honeydew tea with tapioca balls made for an enjoyable experience.

The Astoria Beer Garden was the first breakthrough we all had as a group- those of us that could make it that is. We bonded over the universal social lubricant- alcohol. Introduced many in the group to different beers- and tried a few different ones myself.

We celebrated Labor Day with Margaritas on the roof- my CRANE brought us up to the upper roof- I hear her- she helped me along the entire Formation.

I got locked in the glass shower. Twice. Yep.
I broke it the door the second time...
Now no one gets locked in... yeah... not one of my better moments- funny as hell- but not so good!

We watched many movies this Formation. I was so glad to spend quality time with these people and watch movies like- But Ima Cheerleader, Crush, Benny and Joon, The Labyrinth and Pippi Longstocking.

Went to the Monster- a gay bar- it was delightful. The downstairs was a dance floor and the upstairs was a Piano Bar. I got up and sang a few of my favorite show tunes: Being Alive, The Ladies Who Lunch, Don't Rain on My Parade and This is the Moment. I was applauded by a bunch of people and one guy bought me a drink- it was nice to be able to sing again. I brought it home with me- that feeling of being human again. On the subway ride home- I found a sketch book that had pictures of dresses and eyes in it. I will be making it into my journal for this year. Little prayers like that are always being answered.

I took an enneagram- I'm a 4- go educate yourselves.

I sang to my Stephanie on the Roof. She is incredible.

I will give a bit more detail to these next few sections- sorry I've been brief- it's hard to put things into too many details sometimes...

Drum Circle. We had the chance to be in a drum circle with an incredible leader who kept my attention the entire time- he introduced the concepts of spirituality through music and rhythm and well- it was amazing.

I then came to Detroit.

Finally- Detroyt


I went to Canada for my birthday- it's like ten minutes from our house.

I miss everyone. Dearly.

Back Home- Morris is in a show, hunter goes on and vampire had its first game.
My mom keeps crying every time I call her- and then tells me I need to call her more often. It's a sick game...

My first day of work today was kinda dull- hopefully it will pick up...

Sorry guys- this blog took a lot out of me- I know it is not my usual thought provoking email- just time for updates- maybe I needed to come back to this point- just random stream of consciousness- but we will see what the next Michigan Left has in store for me...

The first days of school- Kristie

On August 25th, the school year began for St. Ann’s Catholic School students in Belcourt, ND. I was nervous, to say the least, to meet my students and to actually teach them something. Teaching was and still is an entirely new concept (if you don’t count my first semester of college as a elementary ed major).

My dear friend Benadryl had me asleep by 9:30 on the 24th. I woke up at 7:00 the next day and got ready. I had already picked out my outfit and was at school by 7:40. I signed in, opened up my classroom, and quickly filled out the name tags of for each of my 3rd grade students. I got my walkie talkie (we don’t have an intercom system or phone system in the school) and headed down to the cafeteria. I stood with another teacher as we saw the students come into the school and find their place at their seats. After praying with two other teachers, I walked over to some of the students I recognized from Meet the Teacher night and sat down with them. I could tell they were nervous since this was their first year as well at St. Ann’s. I chatted with them about their summers and expectations of the year. I walked around the cafeteria some more, introduced myself to some parents, and nervously anticipated the bell. After what seemed like forever, the bell rang and the students lined up for morning prayer.

As I looked around the students, I noticed some things that were different than what I remembered as a student in a nice middle class Catholic school. Every year, I would get a new backpack, shoes, and other school supplies. If you looked at a picture of me from the first day of school, you could tell that I was wearing mostly new things. Standing in the cafeteria of a poor Catholic school in a poor region, it was not the same picture. The kids looked nice but not many had new things. There were the exceptions of course but exceptions they were. For the most part, the picture looked much different than the pictures of my childhood.

After we said our prayers, I led my 5 students to our classroom. I instructed them to hang their coats up where their name tags were and to find their seats. I realized, as I looked at their adorable faces, I didn’t have to be so nervous anymore. My lessons were planned and they were willing to learn.
Once I came upon that realization, the day went by quickly and smoothly. My students, I realized, were not as shy as they first appeared. They love to talk and are pure girly girls. Whenever I’m making up sentences, they suggest the first names of Disney and Nickelodeon stars for the subject’s name. Right now, we are preparing for a puppet show they are going to put on for the kindergarten class. Their puppet’s names are Demi, Selena, Milly, Rosie, and Catherine (I put a block on Disney after the second Disney name, which is why it’s Milly instead of Miley). They look forward to music and art class, but usually dread gym class. They get into trouble for talking but work their hardest to get a sticker at the end of the day (sticker=no name on the board). On Fridays, someone is usually upset they had a sticker free day that week, which means they won’t be able to pick from the prize bucket. I don’t feel at all bad for bribing them with candy and sparkly pencils in exchange for good behavior. Besides it's not bribing if you call it an incentive policy.

By the end of each day, I usually feel tired, have to pee, and prefer not to use my voice. It can be a long day with my students. They test my patience. They don’t always do their homework. They talk out of turn. They give me attitude. They don’t always say thank you.They give each other attitudes. Sometimes, they get into fights. They make me repeat myself all of the time. I hate repeating myself.

Yet, for each time I have to tell them to quiet down or take a deep breath, I can’t help but think of how they act most of the time. They make me laugh. They make each other laugh with silly jokes I don’t always find as funny. They give me hugs. They tell me they’re happy I’m their teacher. They smile when they finally understand a new concept. Above all, they make it easy to see the face of Christ in them. 

I never realized I would love my students so quickly and so deeply.

I have a student. She’s really funny and bright. She’s also extremely poor. She comes to this school on scholarship. She refuses to bring in her sneakers for gym class. When I asked her where were sneakers were last Monday, she looked up at me with a hint of sadness in her eyes and said “I think I forget to bring in my sneakers because I’m really embarrassed of them. They’re all torn up and they pinch my toes. They’re really ugly. People will make fun of me for having them”. As much I encouraged her that people won’t make fun of her for having old sneakers, she wouldn’t bring them in. I had been racking my brain all week with a way to buy her new sneakers without her knowing I got them for her. I wanted to do so in a way as to not offend her mother or make the other kids jealous. On Friday, only an hour before I was going to approach our principal about it, my plan was thrown out the window. Another one of the girls in my class went up to the girl before gym class and told her “I’m going to ask my mom if I can give you a pair of my sneakers. I didn’t get to wear them that much before I got too big for them. They’re really cool too. This way, you can have sneakers and won’t be embarrassed anymore”. The smiles on both of their faces were childlike and pure.

These girls, they are Christ for each other. They are Christ for me.

Detroyt- The Adventures of Byll Monahan- Be About It

So today we had the day off and are going into Chinatown and then taking the night to do something crazy and fun as a community. I showed people my movie collection- they were, well, lets just say they might understand a little bit more about why I am the way I am- we watched Sweeney Todd- not by my influence at all even- and it was moderately received! I am having such a fun time getting to know people and letting them get to know me.

So there is a lot to start talking about for this recent experience of coming into community. I am learning just how loud I really am and how I need to be a little more conscious of that from time to time... I know how many of you are thinking- "I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR YEARS!" But this is my time to learn my strengths and weaknesses- so cope!

I learned an interesting term the other day during our training sessions: pseudocommunity.
Its the awkward phase that we go through when in a new situation- a transitional phase before becoming an actual community- in which you are dancing around pleasantries with people- being careful not to step on toes or say anything uncomfortable. Simple laughter at little jokes. Not addressing little things that bother us with other people.

Basically- All of the high school lunch table conversations and group projects with people you may not have been social with- the first three months of college- any time you have to be with awkward relatives etc.

But this was both a good and terrible thing in my understanding- this concept.
How necessary it is to be polite for those first few days and not be blunt and open and honest and... well see now it sounds unreal.
And that's just it- its not real. Our books have told us that pseudocommunity is conflict aversion- which as I am sure you know of me- I am so opposite of that whole mindset.
If someone has a problem with me they really need to tell me- pull me aside or confront me in a group and just be like- "Byll- this is not ok!"

Many of my best friends have been able to do just this and they will attest that my response has been ultimately one of remorse and dedication to fix the dilemma.

But pseudocommunity is based in the knowledge of three aspects- time, fear and comfort.

If we are only going to be spending so much time with a person- we may want to simply disengage from them and not be open- thus averting conflict.
If we are afraid of addressing someone because we don't know how they will react- we avert conflict.
If we are uncomfortable being the person who stirs up the waters- we avert conflict.

BUT THE WATERS MUST BE STIRRED UP!!!
If we just let things remain stagnant- and we observe this lovey-dovey crap- we will never really feel any depth or sense of true and honest connection with one another.

How tragic!

But by addressing the issues, not being afraid of confrontation and being comfortable enough to get it thrown back at ourselves, be move into the next step of community- Chaos- which is resolved by an emptying of the self to allow for stability and thus Community.

So pseudocommunity is so important- because without it- there can be no chaos and no emptying and then community can never be achieved.
-------------
That's the lesson for the day.

I guess I have been feeling at times that I don't really fit in- but then I realize that none of us really fit it- so I don't feel nearly as bad about it.
I have made some great connections with some of the people here- I feel as though I have connected with everyone on some level and that makes me wonder if my connections are breeding pseudocommunity or not.

AM I A PSEUDO-SPREADER?

I hope not.

I guess the only real way to find out is to be engaged when the time is appropriate- to be really present. We've talked a lot about being present this week- and I wonder how often I am really present with people.
We need to be about it. We need to be about being present- be about what we are doing, where we are doing it and with whom we are doing it.

So now I need to get ready for the Beer Garden and China town trip- maybe a club after.

-Did you know that Mitch Albom- author of Tuesdays with Morrie was from Detroit?
Be About It!

Detroyt- The Adventures of Byll Monahan- September 1st/2nd

Well after what has been one of the best summers of my life- I am now in NYC on Formation for Covenant House.
It has been a long road- with so many farewell wagons- to coin a Da-da from only yesterday.
I am exhausted- up at 6am to get ready to leave- got up here around 11am- said goodbye to the RENTs and discovered that I was wrong about people I was to be living with in Detroit. One of the girls that was coming with us had to back out last minute. Elizabeth- if your reading this- I hope you are well baby and I am praying for you and your family- hope all is going smoothly.
Lots of paperwork and talks and processing of information.

What I have learned so far:
Energy can sometimes be like a water wheel- the more you pour into it the more power you get in return.
There is nothing quite like the sounds of an Irish band singing sweet songs into one's head before bedtime.
Living in community is not fair- no one said it would be- think about it!
Taking time to run through fountains keeps you in your childlike joy- Washington Park cheered for us tonight.
My desire is like the moon- waxing and waning but always there.

I will have plenty of updates soon enough- but for now just know that I am alive and living!
Making time for poetry soon.
Be sure to check out my Summer Photo Album on Facebook.
My Skype name is ByllMono- look for me!

Until next time- Fairfarren.