Detroyt- The Adventures of Byll Monahan- Be About It

So today we had the day off and are going into Chinatown and then taking the night to do something crazy and fun as a community. I showed people my movie collection- they were, well, lets just say they might understand a little bit more about why I am the way I am- we watched Sweeney Todd- not by my influence at all even- and it was moderately received! I am having such a fun time getting to know people and letting them get to know me.

So there is a lot to start talking about for this recent experience of coming into community. I am learning just how loud I really am and how I need to be a little more conscious of that from time to time... I know how many of you are thinking- "I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR YEARS!" But this is my time to learn my strengths and weaknesses- so cope!

I learned an interesting term the other day during our training sessions: pseudocommunity.
Its the awkward phase that we go through when in a new situation- a transitional phase before becoming an actual community- in which you are dancing around pleasantries with people- being careful not to step on toes or say anything uncomfortable. Simple laughter at little jokes. Not addressing little things that bother us with other people.

Basically- All of the high school lunch table conversations and group projects with people you may not have been social with- the first three months of college- any time you have to be with awkward relatives etc.

But this was both a good and terrible thing in my understanding- this concept.
How necessary it is to be polite for those first few days and not be blunt and open and honest and... well see now it sounds unreal.
And that's just it- its not real. Our books have told us that pseudocommunity is conflict aversion- which as I am sure you know of me- I am so opposite of that whole mindset.
If someone has a problem with me they really need to tell me- pull me aside or confront me in a group and just be like- "Byll- this is not ok!"

Many of my best friends have been able to do just this and they will attest that my response has been ultimately one of remorse and dedication to fix the dilemma.

But pseudocommunity is based in the knowledge of three aspects- time, fear and comfort.

If we are only going to be spending so much time with a person- we may want to simply disengage from them and not be open- thus averting conflict.
If we are afraid of addressing someone because we don't know how they will react- we avert conflict.
If we are uncomfortable being the person who stirs up the waters- we avert conflict.

BUT THE WATERS MUST BE STIRRED UP!!!
If we just let things remain stagnant- and we observe this lovey-dovey crap- we will never really feel any depth or sense of true and honest connection with one another.

How tragic!

But by addressing the issues, not being afraid of confrontation and being comfortable enough to get it thrown back at ourselves, be move into the next step of community- Chaos- which is resolved by an emptying of the self to allow for stability and thus Community.

So pseudocommunity is so important- because without it- there can be no chaos and no emptying and then community can never be achieved.
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That's the lesson for the day.

I guess I have been feeling at times that I don't really fit in- but then I realize that none of us really fit it- so I don't feel nearly as bad about it.
I have made some great connections with some of the people here- I feel as though I have connected with everyone on some level and that makes me wonder if my connections are breeding pseudocommunity or not.

AM I A PSEUDO-SPREADER?

I hope not.

I guess the only real way to find out is to be engaged when the time is appropriate- to be really present. We've talked a lot about being present this week- and I wonder how often I am really present with people.
We need to be about it. We need to be about being present- be about what we are doing, where we are doing it and with whom we are doing it.

So now I need to get ready for the Beer Garden and China town trip- maybe a club after.

-Did you know that Mitch Albom- author of Tuesdays with Morrie was from Detroit?
Be About It!