Kristie is waiting

Right now, as I type, I am waiting. I’m waiting for nothing and a whole lot of things at this moment- I mean who isn’t always waiting for something? For example, I’m waiting for my facebook page to refresh (my computer is really slow these days). I’m waiting to get tired enough to go to sleep (I really shouldn’t have had sugar after 8). I’m waiting for Tuesday night so I can see my first love in concert (Hanson). And I’m waiting for my other bloggers to post on waiting (I need some inspiration). 

Yet right now as my facebook successfully loads and I can check how many people commented on my post about this blog, I find myself at a stand still for just a second. The stand still scares me because it forces me to refocus on what awaits me next- volunteering.

Now don’t get me wrong, I can’t freaking wait to start my volunteer experience at St. Ann’s. It’s going to be an incredible experience to teach elementary school children living on the Turtle Mountain reservation in Belcourt, ND. I’m looking forward to communal living and to growing in my relationship with God. I am a little intimidated but excited to experience a completely different culture than that of my Jersey shore upbringing (no, I’m not talking about Snooky, MTV, or any reality show about New Jersey. Although you should know that I can shout just as loud as anyone on Cake Boss and I do love a good boardwalk).

I guess what scares me about what’s next is what’s going on right now. I leave for ND in about 11 days. While this is an incredible time to spend with the ones closest to me, it’s also a time that’s marked by many questions and a whole lot of disbelief. I get a lot of questions from other people, the most common having to do with why on earth I would pick North Dakota out of the other 49 states to volunteer my time (the answer has everything to do with God). And I have a lot of questions myself. Can I do this? Am I going to be a good teacher? Will I make friends? Will I miss my family, friends, and boyfriend too much? Sometimes these questions become overwhelming.

As for the disbelief, I just can’t grasp the fact that it’s almost time to start this next chapter of my life. The first time I ever thought about post-undergraduate service was sophomore year of college. Throughout the next 2 years, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I might want to do as a volunteer. By the summer before senior year, I had made my decision to only apply to volunteer organizations instead of also applying to graduate school. In November, I attended a day of discernment where I was directed to the Catholic Network of Volunteer Services. Through their website, I found St. Ann’s in February. I applied and was accepted by April. It’s July 26th now but that afternoon in early April seems like it was just yesterday.

I must admit that none of that really matters because August 7th is coming soon and I have a lot to do before then. I have clothes to buy, people to see, and many prayers to be said. But in spite of my packed 'to do' list, I must challenge and remind myself to wait just a little less. I need to stay in the present and enjoy these last 11 days until I board the plane that will take me away from here and bring me to that next chapter. I don't want to miss out on the present because I'm too concerned about the future. So I'll take the time to have coffee with friends, to go out to a movie with my boyfriend, and spend some time beating my family at Scrabble. I'll hang out with my cousins, stay over my Grandma's house, and DVR more Modern Family and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to be watched after a few hours at the beach. I'll stay focused on being focused on today and not tomorrow.

"So do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself"- Matthew 6:34

Peace,

Kristie