Blessing

I wrote this on the train ride to Minneapolis. I’m home now. I'm beyond excited to be with my family and Cliff. However, there is a part of me that's still in North Dakota.



I lived in Belcourt, North Dakota for 9 months and 21 days. Writing it down, putting it into numbers, makes it seem like it was a short amount of time. I suppose that’s true numerically. In a lot of ways though this year seemed like much more time. I have experienced many years worth of growth and development in these 9 months. It was the most challenging yet the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Surely, it has been the best decision I ever let God make for me.


I was reading a book the other day in adoration. It talked in great length of what it means to be blessed. The author translates it to mean “it’s been good, it’s been very good”. I think about the past almost 10 months. I’ve fought with people, cried with people, laughed with people, stood silently with people, and prayed with people. My students were awesome and difficult. Some of them live lives that cause them to mature beyond their years. It’s hard to explain to a nine year old about why her mother won’t write her back from jail. They fought with each other and I swore time and time again that they must be pre-hormonal. Occasionally, I counseled some other kids in the school about their behavior problems or about their home lives. Some days my heart was heavier than I could have imagined to be because of these struggles the kids whom I love go through daily. I think about how it must feel for a mother when her child struggles. I experienced perhaps a fraction of that as their teacher. In March, I got an awesome co-teacher and I started to teach art. I learned that God calls upon us to use our smallest gifts, even if they contain little talent.


I experienced the pains of being away from home when the ones you love are hurting. I wished more than once to be able to go home. So I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. Long distance relationships are tough and as I write this I am counting down until I get to see Cliff again.


I experienced the joy of community. The hardest and best thing about this year was living in community with 20 other people. There were 11 women in our house. We came from different areas of the country, different stages of our lives, and with different values and preferences. In spite of our differences, to live together was a blessing. When you live, work, eat, and pray together almost every day you form a bond that is unlike any other. We saw the best and worst of each other. The friendships I formed in Belcourt were among the best I’ve formed in my life. And I say that without any hesitation. I’ll miss these friends very much but find it pretty awesome I have friends from North Dakota, Missouri, Pittsburgh, Massachusetts, Ohio, etc.


My relationship with God, Jesus, and Mary were made significantly stronger this year. I’ll miss living 150 steps away from adoration but look forward to bringing back the graces I received here to NJ. God has been so good to me.


This year I did a lot of things I never thought I would. I went to confession, attended almost daily mass, became a coach for a basketball program, became an art teacher, loved all of our students more than I thought imaginable, went to a sheep shearing, held a baby goat, held a chicken, went on the trailer of a four wheeler on the road, led music for a mass, and made life long bonds with the best group of holy rollers found in North Dakota.


I go back to my comment about what it means to be blessed. I have been blessed beyond belief these past 9 months and 21 days. I’m sad to be leaving here only because of the love I have experienced.


This experience has been good, it has been very good.

We still have a blog?? By Kristie

It’s 10:15 on Friday night. I’m laying in my bed, all snug under 4 blankets that are shielding me from the cold of a winter’s night in North Dakota. I am cold but I am content.

It was about this time last year that I began my applications to volunteer programs in North Dakota and Louisiana. Most people reacted the same to ND, with something along the lines of “What? Really? Are you sure you want to go to ND? It’s really cold up there!” To be honest, I was raising the same questions with God. Why on earth did He have it in His plans to send me all the way to North Dakota? Surely, there were plenty of people in NJ, or at least in warmer, more visitable climates, that I could serve. But when God calls, one must answer.

My time here from August until the end of October was shaky. I was all set to go home in December, ready to write off this time as a failed experiment in immersion. I know my parents, siblings, close friends, and boyfriend were sick of me complaining that St. Ann’s wasn’t the right fit for me. I was upset by the rules, the religion, the people, and the community life. Nothing was as it had seemed it was meant to be.

In October, I went on retreat with members of my own volunteer community and members of the Turtle Mountain community. It was as if God finally smacked some sense into me and something changed. I realized that this was exactly where God wanted me. I had so much growing to do. I had relationships to build. I had to experience life here in North Dakota. New Jersey and all of its comforts could wait.

So I grew. I began to attend almost daily mass. I spent more time in the community and with God. I began to act like me again.

In the weeks before Christmas break, life as a volunteer became more stressful than usual. Work, community life, and the weather began to wear at my heart, and the hearts of the other volunteers. We were tired and needed to get away. Home was welcoming and so rejuvenating.

The past 5 or so weeks of being back had been hard. While the main stress plaguing the volunteers before Christmas was alleviated, I found it difficult to be back. Again, I was longing to be home with my family and boyfriend. My students were misbehaving more than I thought I could handle. My devotion to my prayer life had gone from hot to luke warm. I had an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach about being back until the end of May.

But as I left the gymnasium of Turtle Mountain High School tonight, I could only smile. St. Ann’s Players in Progress (PiPs) program had another successful half time show. The kids had wowed another crowd with their ball handling skills and some had stuck around to entertain their own coaches (myself included) and other teachers. My girls had some behavioral improvement this week. Community life, although difficult, is good. Plus, I’ve made some friends out here, even one I trust enough to highlight my hair.

My sister, Kelly, tweeted something today that really made me think. Her company is having an art show for its employees. She half jokingly said it was a reminder of what they could have been. It got me thinking about this year and it reminded me one of the reasons why I’m here. I could be in graduate school or working at some social work agency. I would probably be happy but I would always wonder about what could have been if I pursued my dream of post-grad service. I’m glad I did. I won’t think “what if” in a year, or ten years, or 40 years.

I’ll get back on track with my prayer life. This is the best place to do so. My students and the other students at St. Ann’s remind me daily of God’s goodness. They also remind me to pray.

Broke, vitamin D deficient due to the lack of sun, cold, and hungry for some real pizza, I’m living my dream.